Sexual Pain Therapy in Calgary
Sex shouldn’t hurt, but when it does, your body is trying to do something
Although many people learn to tolerate it, constant pain during sex is not a normal experience. It can show up in different ways: for some, it’s sharp or burning.
For others, it’s tension, discomfort, or a sense that the body is “not allowing” things to happen.
The thing is, the more you try to ignore it and push forward, the more likely you are to create patterns of
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anticipation of pain
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increased tension in the body
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more control during intimacy
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and, paradoxically, more pain.
This is not something you’re “doing wrong.”
And it’s not something that can be solved by simply “relaxing” or “trying harder.”
In many cases, pain is not just physical... it’s a learned protective response
You might be experiencing something like:
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Pain at penetration
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Tightness or involuntary contraction
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Burning or irritation
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Avoidance of intimacy
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Anxiety before sex
How can pain during sex be psychological?
This is a very normal question. Often because our pain is real, we assume that it MUST have a biological cause. So how can it be psychological? Even when no medical cause is identified, it does not mean the pain is "imagined" or "all in your head." Because the body and the mind are closely connected, our emotions can directly influence the nervous system. Our emotional patterns can increase muscle tension and make our nervous system more sensitive. As a result, we learn to anticipate pain, to which we normally react with tension, which in return causes more pain. This cycle causes the pelvic floor muscles to tighten even before pain is perceived
Sometimes, though, pain can be linked to underlying medical conditions. If you haven’t explored that yet, it can be helpful to check in with a physician first.
But what if you have done that and everything looks fine?
Well, then in many cases, it's your body's way of trying to protect you.
That protection can come from:
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past painful experiences
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anxiety or pressure during sex
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lack of safety or predictability
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or patterns that developed gradually over time.
When we work with pain during intimacy, our focus is on understanding how to influence the body, while exploring the roots of this pattern. At the level of the body, we gradually shift how the body responds during intimacy; while at a deeper level we trace the origin of these responses, so they no longer need to be mantained.